Day 120

This is a retrospective view of the things: In 72 hours, a LOT has changed. Day 120: I created a youtube video for the Lady.  It was a video of me singing a song for her that she linked me when we first met.  I then created a video of about 40 minutes explaining why I still loved her and how we could make things work if we both tried. I texted her the links. She never looked at the videos. Conclusion:  I was stuck in a one sided relationship, foolish dreamer.  I probably creeped her out. ---- Day 121: I called up the Lady and she pretty much made clear we were done.  I wasn't listening.  I was still stuck. She told me not to contact her again and I was not welcome at her residence. I was broken all day.  I was irritable at work. Eventually, I "got it". Conclusion:  I was in denial of the fact the relationship was over since Day 97.  I was the only one still trying to reach out to her.  She had already moved on....

Talking it out with Mom – Internal Conflict resolution Notes below: Introduction     1.   When the Lady broke up with me, she told me I had to fight off some internal demons.   My response to that was anger and frustration and she told me I was lying to myself.   I retorted back that she was wrong.   The reality is that the Lady was right.   I did have internal conflicts to face.   I understand now why she had to let me go.   She is correct.   I was not ready for a relationship.   How can I love someone else when I cannot love myself?     2.   I have spent a lot of time self reflecting.   The reality is that I do not love myself.   Why do I not love myself?   Because I’m not good enough.   Why am I not good enough?   Because throughout my life, my mother would always tell me that I needed to do better.   She always compared me to other kids.   She always told me th...

I have created this blog to keep track of my progress. My first few videos were too disorganized. Notes below: ------------       Organization – Time management -Excel sheet     1. Document meals.     2. Document activities.     3. Plan day.     4. Personal notes     5. Track progress   -Achievements today     1.  Turned off WoW account     2.  Removed gaming software.     3.  Went to Gym class and got acquainted with equipment.   -Internal thoughts     1.  Reflect on gaming addiction     2.  Reflect on self love deficiency disorder     3.  Connect the two. ------------ I hope to continue to build on this. Schedule today: -E