Day 124
Day 124 - Changes
Introduction:
Change is hard it really is. We all say we want to change, but change is hard. It takes time. And time is really something we can’t afford to lose. So don’t make mistakes like I did. If you do, learn from them. Never repeat them. You may never get a second chance.
Changing how I think:
After self-reflection, I determined that if I am going to change, I need to go all in. I don’t want to hide anymore. All of the things I have been talking about recently are interlinked. Quitting gaming, self-love deficiency, and internal conflicts. If I love myself, and I achieve things, I won’t have anything to hide. I won’t have to fake anything. There won’t be a need for a cover story if I already am telling a real story worth telling.
So yesterday after I made my video, I went to the boxing gym. I met a trainer who asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to get fit. He asked me if I was ready to put in the time and the effort. I said yes, absolutely. He said I would be given a strict diet. I said that I would like nothing better. We scheduled for the first session to begin this morning.
I also heard back from the yoga class, so it looks like I might be taking that up. There is a beginner class beginning next month. I thought it would be a good opportunity to try something new and possibly meet new people. My understanding is that yoga affects both body and soul.
I cooked a nice dinner, although I burned my hand in the process. I did require assistance from my roommate because I am not yet a skilled chef (he is), nonetheless the dish turned out wonderful.
I went to the gym and achieved my goal of 10000 steps a day, because it was raining outside.
While I was at the gym, I was looking on Meetup to see if any groups were meeting nearby and I found a group meeting at a brewery. I attended for about two hours and hopefully left a positive impression on all of the people there. I do hope to see them again.
I spoke to my mother and I told her how much I missed the Lady still. My mother said that if she doesn’t want to see me, she doesn’t want to see me. There’s nothing I can do, and that I need to let go. She did say not to give up hope, because we are never sure about the future.
I was about to go to bed when I went OLGANON and found there was an online meeting for computer gaming addicts. For the first time in my life, I sat in one of the meetings. At first I wasn’t sure if this was going to work, but I listened to other people talk about their situations. People have had their lives fall apart a lot worse than I have. I felt a bit grateful, nonetheless I was still cursed with the gaming relapse episodes. It felt good to share my story with people who could understand. I went to bed after the meeting.
I was awakened at approximately 5AM by my roommate who wanted to go for a walk. I initially told him I didn’t want to get up, but eventually gave in and we went to walk a nice trail and breathe in fresh air. We went home and I had a nice breakfast of eggs and bacon.
I then went out to the gym where the trainer put me through his “diagnostic” test. He told me that he wanted to see where I was at my level of fitness. While I was able to complete all his activities, I admit it was very straining and there were clearly areas of my body which needed working on. At the end of the work out session, he had me take my shirt off and took photos. He said “this is the “Before” you. You will be laughing at this when you become the “After” you”.
I came home and it was raining. The menu that I received from the trainer was very plain, and the instructions weren’t the best. However, I could understand that it consisted of very basic foods. Although I’m not used to cooking for myself or prepping food, I decided that if I want to change, I’m going to have to commit myself to this.
All part of growing up, right?
I forced myself to go out and get the groceries. Tonight, I will force myself to go to the gym and get my 10000 steps.
My last lingering thought is what I am going to do with the bottle of acetaminophen and classic cocoa butter lotion sitting on my desk. These items belong to the Lady.
A lot has changed in me the last two days, and I want nothing more than for her to know I am truly sorry. My behavior was extremely immature, and she deserved better. I am no longer angry at her. No matter what happened between us, when she told me she wanted to break up, I should have respected her decision instead of becoming angry. My actions have undoubtedly scared her and invoked a defensive mechanism in her. I told her I would not contact her again, but I want to send her these things so they don’t go to waste. I also want to apologize to her for not listening.
We should have stayed friends. Because I am mature enough for that. But now she won’t believe me. I can’t expect her to, after what I’ve done.
I burned the bridge with my actions. She will have to decide if she wants to build the bridge with me again, and right now the odds are against me. Perhaps in time, I will… reach out again. Right now, all I will do is create problems.
I wish I had the power to tell her I was sorry for my actions.
Achievements today:
1. Completed diagnostic test with trainer. 250 jumping jacks, weight lift sets, kettle bell sets, push ups, burpees, lunges.
2. Bought food for preparation.
3. Scheduled next work out training session.
Internal thoughts:
1. How long will it take to change?
2. Can we fast forward already?
3. I know I can do it. I believe it.
Photos today:
Incline work out.
Schedule today:
Introduction:
Change is hard it really is. We all say we want to change, but change is hard. It takes time. And time is really something we can’t afford to lose. So don’t make mistakes like I did. If you do, learn from them. Never repeat them. You may never get a second chance.
Changing how I think:
After self-reflection, I determined that if I am going to change, I need to go all in. I don’t want to hide anymore. All of the things I have been talking about recently are interlinked. Quitting gaming, self-love deficiency, and internal conflicts. If I love myself, and I achieve things, I won’t have anything to hide. I won’t have to fake anything. There won’t be a need for a cover story if I already am telling a real story worth telling.
So yesterday after I made my video, I went to the boxing gym. I met a trainer who asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to get fit. He asked me if I was ready to put in the time and the effort. I said yes, absolutely. He said I would be given a strict diet. I said that I would like nothing better. We scheduled for the first session to begin this morning.
I also heard back from the yoga class, so it looks like I might be taking that up. There is a beginner class beginning next month. I thought it would be a good opportunity to try something new and possibly meet new people. My understanding is that yoga affects both body and soul.
I cooked a nice dinner, although I burned my hand in the process. I did require assistance from my roommate because I am not yet a skilled chef (he is), nonetheless the dish turned out wonderful.
I went to the gym and achieved my goal of 10000 steps a day, because it was raining outside.
While I was at the gym, I was looking on Meetup to see if any groups were meeting nearby and I found a group meeting at a brewery. I attended for about two hours and hopefully left a positive impression on all of the people there. I do hope to see them again.
I spoke to my mother and I told her how much I missed the Lady still. My mother said that if she doesn’t want to see me, she doesn’t want to see me. There’s nothing I can do, and that I need to let go. She did say not to give up hope, because we are never sure about the future.
I was about to go to bed when I went OLGANON and found there was an online meeting for computer gaming addicts. For the first time in my life, I sat in one of the meetings. At first I wasn’t sure if this was going to work, but I listened to other people talk about their situations. People have had their lives fall apart a lot worse than I have. I felt a bit grateful, nonetheless I was still cursed with the gaming relapse episodes. It felt good to share my story with people who could understand. I went to bed after the meeting.
I was awakened at approximately 5AM by my roommate who wanted to go for a walk. I initially told him I didn’t want to get up, but eventually gave in and we went to walk a nice trail and breathe in fresh air. We went home and I had a nice breakfast of eggs and bacon.
I then went out to the gym where the trainer put me through his “diagnostic” test. He told me that he wanted to see where I was at my level of fitness. While I was able to complete all his activities, I admit it was very straining and there were clearly areas of my body which needed working on. At the end of the work out session, he had me take my shirt off and took photos. He said “this is the “Before” you. You will be laughing at this when you become the “After” you”.
I came home and it was raining. The menu that I received from the trainer was very plain, and the instructions weren’t the best. However, I could understand that it consisted of very basic foods. Although I’m not used to cooking for myself or prepping food, I decided that if I want to change, I’m going to have to commit myself to this.
All part of growing up, right?
I forced myself to go out and get the groceries. Tonight, I will force myself to go to the gym and get my 10000 steps.
My last lingering thought is what I am going to do with the bottle of acetaminophen and classic cocoa butter lotion sitting on my desk. These items belong to the Lady.
A lot has changed in me the last two days, and I want nothing more than for her to know I am truly sorry. My behavior was extremely immature, and she deserved better. I am no longer angry at her. No matter what happened between us, when she told me she wanted to break up, I should have respected her decision instead of becoming angry. My actions have undoubtedly scared her and invoked a defensive mechanism in her. I told her I would not contact her again, but I want to send her these things so they don’t go to waste. I also want to apologize to her for not listening.
We should have stayed friends. Because I am mature enough for that. But now she won’t believe me. I can’t expect her to, after what I’ve done.
I burned the bridge with my actions. She will have to decide if she wants to build the bridge with me again, and right now the odds are against me. Perhaps in time, I will… reach out again. Right now, all I will do is create problems.
I wish I had the power to tell her I was sorry for my actions.
Achievements today:
1. Completed diagnostic test with trainer. 250 jumping jacks, weight lift sets, kettle bell sets, push ups, burpees, lunges.
2. Bought food for preparation.
3. Scheduled next work out training session.
Internal thoughts:
1. How long will it take to change?
2. Can we fast forward already?
3. I know I can do it. I believe it.
Photos today:
Incline work out.
Schedule today:
Comments
Post a Comment